


It isn't easy

by Swimmerstorm



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feeling Unloved, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance is my comfort character, M/M, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swimmerstorm/pseuds/Swimmerstorm
Summary: It had been so hard to live, and so easy to give up.It was almost too easy to get help.It was too easy to wake up and not wanna stay in bed all day.It was too easy to feel the weight off his chest.It was too easy to watch every new day be something he was glad to have.Or in which Lance tries to commit suicide and realizes maybe he is loved.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	It isn't easy

**Author's Note:**

> This work is somewhat rushed but I still figured it was worth posting. Lance is my comfort character. 
> 
> TW- for suicide and depressive thoughts.

It wasn’t supposed to be this easy. 

Why did it have to be so easy? 

His breathing was erratic, as he sat on the shower floor, the water so cold he was left gasping for air and not being able to form a thought and his body was in panic mode. The cold water was so harsh, so so so harsh, but better than his thoughts. A distraction for the things he didn’t wanna hear. 

Lance knew they didn’t mean what but the voices in his head wouldn’t shut up. They wouldn’t stop telling him how much of a fuck up he was, how nobody cared, how replaceable he was. 

He was so so so replaceable. The best thing he did for the team was to make a joke that fell on deaf ears. A joke, that’s what he was. Maybe if he laughed first then they wouldn’t laugh at him. 

But it was so easy. 

So easy to believe what they said, so easy to give up. 

Because he was just there for others, and they didn’t even want him either. And he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. The voices were right, every word echoed in his head as they told him all the things he tried to ignore. 

He cried harder, his skin almost numb to the cold now. The words getting louder and louder, nothing drowning them out anymore. His hand over his mouth, to hide the sound of his sobs. He was so fucking disgusting, and embarrassing, what kind of fucking loser cried like that? 

It was so easy to know what others would think. How Hunk only talked to him because he was too nice to say anything. How Pidge never deemed him worth a second glance. How Shiro always looked so disappointed in him, how Lance was never good enough as a member of Voltron. How Allura constantly degraded him, how she was always mad and annoyed at him. 

And Keith. 

God Keith. Keith was more to Lance than Lance was to himself. But he didn’t know that. And He most definitely didn’t feel the same. Which was no surprise, because nobody felt the same about him. Ever. He always said he was a lady’s man, but maybe he exaggerated. Who was he kidding, of course, he did. 

Keith looked at Lance in a way that was so depressing, so emotionless like he couldn’t bear to see Lance, and maybe if he shut off then maybe he could tolerate him. 

It was almost too easy to turn the water off. 

…

It was almost too easy to write everything down. 

To write down how much he loved them, but how he knew they didn’t love him back, and how it was okay because that’s just life and it was okay. 

It was almost too easy to grab the weird alien medication out of Coran’s random space junk. 

It was almost too easy.

Almost too easy how the letters sat so still in front of each door. 

Lance left them, each name so delicately written against the old notebook paper, that was honestly so crumpled and ripped that he was surprised he was able to write without tearing it. The tear stains didn’t make it any easier to write. 

With a deep breath, he was off, off to his room, a place that was so so so not his space. He didn’t even belong there. 

It was almost too easy how easy the pills went down. Like they had been waiting. 

It was almost too easy to fall out of consciousness. His name yelled being yelled barely registered as his body relaxed, and he felt better than he had in a while because it was so nice to feel like it could be okay. 

…

Fuck fuck fuck

The Panic built in his throat as the Healing Pod had opened and he had fallen against a warm chest. Almost out of instinct he tried to push himself away, eyes not even opened yet but the hands remained steady, holding him close, the person’s breathing inconsistent. 

Oh

They were crying, the sounds of sniffles and hard breaths near his head, and warm tears falling on him. The smell of the Castle’s laundry detergent and a warm spice-filled his nose. And when he opened his eyes he was met with the sight of a red jacket. 

Keith. 

He wanted to spazz out, the Keith he wrote a letter to and told him how he loved him was holding him. His name left Keith’s mouth so soft, and so much that Lance felt dizzy almost. He started to sink with Lance towards the floor. His arms never leave their position around Lance. And it was so warm. So so so warm, that maybe he thought he would be okay. 

…

It was almost too easy to get help.

It was too easy to wake up and not wanna stay in bed all day. 

It was too easy to feel the weight off his chest. 

It was too easy to watch every new day be something he was glad to have.

It had been hard when he woke up, the faces of his teammates crushed him. They looked so hopeless and scared. And maybe the voices in his head had been wrong because maybe people cared more than they let on. 

And it was easy to see Hunk smile when he looked his way.

And it was easy to see Pidge make him small gadgets to show that they valued him more than the small toy they seemed so intent on finishing. 

And it was easy to hear Shiro say he was proud of him. 

And it was easy to see the stress leave Allura’s body as she saw him enter a room.

And it was easy to hold Keith’s hand.

It was hard at first, but it was going to be okay because maybe he wasn’t worthless.


End file.
